


Love in a Hopeless Place

by Deenerann



Series: Schitt's Creek- Meet Cutes Gone Slightly Wrong [9]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: But they'll find each other anywhere, M/M, Meet-Cute, Worst place to find love, meet ugly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:48:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27162718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deenerann/pseuds/Deenerann
Summary: These two will really fall in love anywhere.Even the worst place on earth.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Schitt's Creek- Meet Cutes Gone Slightly Wrong [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764997
Comments: 112
Kudos: 324





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will NOT be a million chapters, but it will be more than one because I'm me, and I need something to write at all times, apparently.

David Rose did not want to be there.

In fact, it was the very last place he wanted to be, and that included some very questionable establishments back in New York he absolutely never wanted to see the inside of again.

He stared down at the threadbare carpet and scrunched up his nose. It was… taupe. Maybe? It’s possible it _used_ to be taupe, anyway. Now it was a mismatch of colors and dirt and stains, and god knows what else. David could practically feel the communicable diseases making their way up his legs as he sat on the most uncomfortable plastic chair to have ever been produced.

“B13?” called a bored, exhausted, completely disinterested voice.

David didn’t blame her a bit.

“B13?” repeated the voice, this time with a little more impatience.

David stared down at the ticket in his hand and jumped up.

“Oh! That’s me, sorry!” He scurried toward the counter where a frowning woman stared him down through squinted eyes.

“What can I do for you?”

“I, uh… I lost my license. I need to get a new one.”

“You’ll need to take a new driving exam. Have a seat. Someone will be right out to get you.”

“What? No. I just did that, um… not too long ago. Some guy… I think he wanted to be a DJ? Anyway, I did the driving thing with him. I just need to replace the actual license today.”

“Sorry. Those are the rules.”

“I don’t think they actually are, though….”

“B14?” she shouted over his head.

“What? But I’m still here? I still need to replace my license?” David squawked.

“Have a seat and someone will be with you shortly,” she repeated, spearing him with a look that chilled him to his bones.

A burly man stepped up behind David and held out a ticket. “B14,” he growled.

David shrank back and walked over to the row of plastic seats, sitting down in confusion.

What the hell just happened?

He just needed to replace his license and now he had to do the whole driving thing again?

His anxiety started to spike. He wasn’t prepared for a test. He was barely prepared for a new photo. He couldn’t handle a test, too. What if he failed? Would he have to call someone to come down and pick him and the car up? To be fair, he shouldn’t have driven to Elmdale without physically having his license on him, but no one knew he’d lost it and he wasn’t about to advertise that fact.

He’d never hear the end of how irresponsible he was, how he could never be expected to handle running a store on his own, etcetera, etcetera.

The store was the whole reason he needed the damn license to begin with! He needed a photo ID for the forms Ray wanted him to fill out.

Fuck. If he failed the test, did that mean he couldn’t start the business?

 _Fuck_!

His vision started to tunnel and he scrunched his eyes closed, trying to focus on what Alexis had told him last time he was here. “No one cares, David.”

No one cares.

Right.

He could do this.

Only… what if he _couldn’t_? What if he didn’t get his license replaced, and then Ray rejected his incorporation papers, and then they gave the space to Christmas World after all, and then what? He’d have to try being a bag boy again?

“B13? You okay, man?” a soft voice asked.

David jumped, startled, and opened his eyes to stare into a set of huge, whiskey colored ones, alarmingly close to his face.

He squeaked and flailed backward, and the eyes got larger, moving the opposite direction.

A non-descript, compact man held up his hands and let out a shaky laugh. “Whoa there. Didn’t mean to scare you. You had just gone really pale. You okay?”

David nodded and opened and closed his mouth a few times before he could speak. “Um. Yes. Fine. I just… I guess I need to take the driving test again? Even though I took it like four months ago?”

The guy winced. “Yeah. Sorry about that. Brenda’s in a mood.”

“A… mood? I have to retake a test because of a mood?!”

The guy shrugged. “Best to just go along with it. Wouldn’t want her to suspend your current license, or something like that.”

“Um… isn’t that illegal?!” David protested.

The guy shrugged again. “Probably, but I don’t ask questions. I just work here.”

“By nature of you working here, shouldn’t you be the one asking questions?”

“Did you meet Brenda?” the guy asked, his non-existent eyebrows raising into his almost equally non-existent hairline. Honestly, could that haircut _be_ any shorter? David felt sorry for his stylist. If he had one anyway. He looked very… buttoned up and boring. He definitely didn't have a stylist.

“Did you just get out of the military?” David asked.

“Huh?” The guy looked mystified at the subject change.

“Your hair. It’s very _I just ran away from boot camp and now people are looking for me_. Should I be scared for my safety?”

“Ah. No. I didn’t run away from boot camp.”

Something about how that was phrased intrigued David.

“But you did run away from something?” he asked, his eyes narrowing. “This isn’t helping your cause.”

“Are you B13?” the guy asked, obviously ignoring the question.

“Well, my parents didn’t name me that, no, but if you’re talking about this slip… here.” He handed the paper to the guy.

The guy took it, stared at it a second, then shoved it in his pocket. He looked up at David and smiled, holding out a clipboard. “Okay, just got a few questions for you, then we can get started on that drive test.”

“Can’t wait,” David growled.

The guy huffed out a small laugh. “Okay, we’ll start with an easy one. Name?”

“I don’t like to give too much information to strangers in this day and age of identity theft. How do I know you really work here?”

“You think I hang around the DMV for fun?” The eyebrows shot even higher into the sad hairline.

“Fair.” David sighed. “Fine. David Rose.”

The guy scribbled something on the paper. “Excellent. Date of birth?”

“Nope. Not going there. Brenda can look that up on her little, fascist computer.”

The guy snorted. “Sensitive about age. Noted.” He scribbled something else.

“I’m not sensitive! I just don’t go around shouting it from the rooftops!” David protested. “Don’t write that down!”

“I see. Paranoid about details being documented. Also noted,” the guy said, looking up and grinning at David.

Something about the smile put David slightly off-balance, a weird fluttery feeling taking off in his stomach.

“You’re very rude.”

The guy’s smile just got wider.

“What’s your name, anyway,” David asked. He knew he sounded petulant, but this day was not going to plan.

“Patrick Brewer. Glad to meet you, David Rose.” He held out his hand, his grin not faltering one bit.

David stared at the outstretched hand and sighed, finally reaching out to shake it. It was a nice handshake, Patrick’s skin soft but his grip firm.

“I take it you’ll be the one administering this unnecessary test today?”

“Looks like you’re stuck with me, David. Sorry to disappoint.”

“Well, at least you’re not Brenda.”

“I am not Brenda, no.”

“Little victories.”

Patrick laughed and looked down at his clipboard again. “Okay, reason you’re here at the DMV today?”

“I lost my license and need to replace it, but now I’m being forced to take another drive test I wasn’t prepared for, nor do I really need, all because some dictator behind the counter decided she didn’t want to be at work today and instead shoved the physical embodiment of bureaucracy in my face, and he is expecting me to just lie down and take it.”

Patrick’s head shot up and his cheeks went a little pink. He stared at David a minute before laughing quietly and looking back down at his clipboard. “Give me a minute, David. That’s gonna take a bit to write down.”

David bit the side of his cheek and did his best not to smile. He was _not_ going to be okay with all this just because the DMV employee was cute.

Wait.

Fuck. He _was_ cute.

How was he cute? He was wearing the worst clothes ever to exist. Straight out of a discount store, or something. He couldn’t be cute. How was he cute?!

Fuck!

He didn’t need to get sidetracked by a straight guy with a great smile.

Patrick stopped writing and looked back up at David, biting his lip and rocking back on his heels.

A flash of… something… shot through David’s body, making him even more out of sorts than he’d been when he was spiraling about the test.

“What?!” he barked.

Patrick’s eyes went wider, his cheeks a little pinker.

“Uh, nothing. Sorry. Just a few more questions, then we can go inspect the car?”

“Inspect the car? Why do you need to inspect the car?”

“Just to make sure you’ve got all the necessary equipment.”

David couldn’t help himself. ”Oh, trust me, I’ve got all the necessary equipment.”

Patrick went bright red and his voice squeaked out. “That’s not—I just meant—I just meant if your lights are working, that sort of thing.”

David sighed. “Uh, I think so. I don’t know. It’s a family car, we all use it.”

“Oh… so you’re married? Kids?”

Why did Patrick suddenly sound so disappointed? David perked up and the fluttering in his stomach intensified.

“What? No! Family meaning my parents and my sister… not a… no, not married. Do I look like someone who would be married? And kids? God, no.”

Patrick’s eyes warmed a bit, and his voice came out less disappointed and more amused. There was another quality to it David couldn’t place, but he had never heard directed at him before. He wanted more of that tone. He liked how it made him feel.

“Oh, I don’t know, David. I could _definitely_ see that. I’m sure you’d be a very patient father.”

David squinted and held up a finger. “Okay, first of all, no. Second of all, I don’t like your tone,” he lied.

Patrick’s grin lit up his face. “I’ll work on that.”

“Best you do.”

“Can we go look at your car now, David?”

“I thought you had more questions?”

“Oh, I do. I have so many questions.”

David squinted again. “Okay, I’m not sure if we’re still talking about my license?”

Patrick just kept grinning and then turned to head to the door.

David sighed and followed him out.


	2. Chapter 2

Patrick wandered around the car, eyes wide and delighted, letting out occasional bursts of soft laughter.

“Not gonna lie, this car is not what I expected you to be driving, David.”

“What did you expect?”

“Something a little more high fashion and a little less… 1970’s pimp-slash-serial killer.”

Trying his best not to encourage him, David raised an eyebrow and haughtily waved his arm. “Blame my parents. They went out to buy a nice, normal family car and came back with this… this….”

“1977 Lincoln Continental Town Car,” Patrick answered, laughing again. “I know what it is. This is something else, David. I’m sure this car has seen some things. Dark things.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me. Look, it passed the drive test last time, which was really the only time it should have HAD to, but I digress. Is it good to go today? Please tell me it’s good to go today.”

“I don’t know, David. I’m gonna need to inspect it a little more. Make sure there are no bodies hidden in the trunk, that sort of thing.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” David breathed out. He tossed Patrick the keys. “Here. Knock yourself out.”

Patrick caught them easily and jogged around to the passenger side, unlocking the door and jumping in. He reached over and unlocked the driver’s door, opening it and patting the seat. “Get in, David. Let’s get this show on the road.”

“You don’t need to check anything else on the car?”

“Nah. Like you said, you aren’t even supposed to be doing this whole thing again so soon.”

“Does that mean I’m not getting graded on this, then?” David asked, the day brightening up considerably.

“Oh, no, you totally are,” Patrick said, grinning. “But, I’m less worried about whether or not the headlights are working.”

“What about the bodies in the trunk?”

“Pretty sure they won’t bother us. Just don’t get pulled over because I’d hate to have to explain them to the police.”

David groaned and slid into the driver’s seat, holding out his hand for the keys. “Here. Hand them over.”

Patrick set them gently in David’s palm, his hand lingering a bit longer than was really necessary. David tried not to focus on that too much. It didn't mean anything.

Patrick pulled his hand back and cleared his throat. “So, where you taking us?”

David laughed in surprise and turned to study Patrick. “Um. Aren’t _you_ supposed to tell me where to go? You’re the one in charge here.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Patrick said, grinning back at him. “Surprise me.”

“You’re the most unconventional DMV employee I’ve ever met, and that includes the DJ.”

“I think you’re forgetting you’ve met Brenda.”

David bit back a smile. “Oh, yes. How could I forget Brenda?”

“I don’t know. She’s the reason you’re stuck here with me, remember?”

“Am I stuck, though? Couldn’t you just say I passed the test? Then we can both be on our way and I can get my replacement license like I was supposed to, and then I can fill out the stupid incorporation papers and open my damn business? If you just say I passed, you can go back to your horrifying day job and torture someone else about their automobile choices. Doesn’t that sound like a better idea than sitting through a driving test on a boring country road in the middle of nowhere?”

Patrick’s eyes widened and he was quiet a moment before shaking his head. “Nope. Can’t give you a free pass. I might be unconventional, but I’m still a stickler for rules.”

“Of course you are,” David sighed. “Anyone with jeans like that is definitely a stickler for the rules, even if the rules are very incorrect.”

“What’s wrong with my jeans, David?”

“Oh, we don’t have time for that today.”

Patrick laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with the rules _or_ my jeans. In fact, I liked them so much, I bought them in bulk. Buy three, get two free! How could I pass up a deal like that?”

David couldn’t keep the look of horror off his face as he shrank against the door, trying to get as far away from those bargain jeans as humanly possible. It wasn’t fair, really, how they seemed to hug Patrick’s thighs. Cheap fabric shouldn’t be so forgiving.

In David’s experience it _wasn’t_ that forgiving.

Patrick must have really impressive thighs hidden under there.

_God dammit, stop thinking about his thighs._

He shivered a little and clenched the keys tighter in his hand. He needed to stop thinking about Patrick’s thighs… or his other parts. No good could come of it.

“I’m just kidding, David.”

“Oh, thank god—”

“They were actually just buy one, get one free, but I wound up getting three sets, so it worked out in the end.”

David sighed and thunked his head against the steering wheel a couple of times. The horn let out a quiet wheeze of protest and then went silent.

What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he think this guy was so fucking adorable? Everything about him was wrong, literally right down to the clothes on his back. How could he be so fucking adorable?

He really needed to get laid. That’s what it boiled down to. Maybe he’d visit the Dude Cave when he got back into town. That was bound to get the image of Patrick’s impressive thighs out of his brain.

Maybe.

“You okay there, David?” Patrick’s tone was way too upbeat for that question.

“No. Not _this_ day. This day is _not_ going the way I wanted it to. Not at all.” David moaned.

“Aw, not even a little bit?”

David sat up and eyed Patrick before staring back out the window and sticking the key in the ignition.

“If I have to do this thing because you refuse to be reasonable, we may as well get it over with.”

“So, not answering that question, then?”

David out a low growl of annoyance.

Patrick snickered and fastened his seatbelt. “Coward.”

David started the engine, fastened his own seatbelt, and closed his eyes briefly.

Even though he wasn’t going to dignify that comment with a response, the thing was… Patrick wasn’t wrong.

He _was_ a coward.

He was being a coward because he wasn’t about to admit to a straight, buttoned-up, DMV employee in tragic jeans that not only was he the highlight of David’s day… he was possibly the highlight of his whole damn year.

And that included multiple visits to the Dude Cave.

And multiple visits to Jake.

How fucking sad was _that_?


	3. Chapter 3

“So, where we headed?” Patrick sounded way too thrilled for the circumstances.

“I have no idea. Even the DJ had a plan.” He glanced over at Patrick. “You honestly seem like the type of person who is really into plans. Like a lot. Almost scarily so. Possibly have a planning kink? So, why no plan now?”

What was wrong with him? He needed to stop talking.

Patrick let out a surprised wheeze. “A planning… kink?”

“Yeah, mmhmm. Like, do you have a sex spreadsheet? And are there formulas involved? How complicated are they? Lots of variables?”

“A sex… spreadsheet?” Patrick repeated, sounding mystified.

Jesus fuck, David needed to stop talking. He was going to fail this test by being incredibly inappropriate with an infuriatingly confusing driving examiner.

“Nevermind,” he mumbled. “Forget I said that. Please don’t fail me because I can’t keep my mouth shut.”

“No, please tell me more about this sex spreadsheet,” Patrick said, his voice losing the surprised edge and back to the already familiar teasing tone.

“I don’t know, I’m not the one who has one.”

“Well, neither do I, but now I’m strongly considering creating one. I _do_ like a good spreadsheet.”

David let out a quick burst of a laugh. “Of course you do.”

“So, changing the subject slightly, you think I like planning things?” Patrick asked, his tone curious.

“Don’t you?”

“I guess so. I mean, I used to, anyway. I kind-of had my whole life planned out until recently.”

“Until recently? What happened?”

Patrick was quiet for so long that David glanced over at him again. He was worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, his eyes troubled.

David’s stomach sank. He’d just been teasing, going with the flow, but of course it didn’t land. He was a menace.

“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

Patrick nodded and turned to stare out the side window.

David pushed down the groan that wanted to erupt out of his body. Why was he always such a disaster in mixed company?

They drove a bit in silence while David tried to sort out where he was even supposed to go. Did he need to parallel park? Where could he even do that on a road that was literally surrounded by open fields and cows?

“I ran away from my life,” Patrick said quietly, interrupting David’s chaotic line of thought.

“What?”

“I ran away. From all my plans. I couldn’t handle them, so I dropped everything and left.”

“Oh, that’s….” David didn’t know what that was, actually. He just knew he was uncomfortable and Patrick needed to go back to teasing him. David actually liked the teasing. He didn’t much like this heavy, maudlin thing that was going on now.

“Yeah, so that’s where my planning stands, lately. I’m just kind-of… existing. I took the job at the DMV because it’s the first thing I found when I landed here.”

“Why did you land in Elmdale, of all places? Where are you from?”

“Up North. I wanted a change of pace.”

“Um… if you were going for no pace at all, you sure found the right area.”

Patrick laughed. “You’re not wrong. So, tell me, David Rose… what is someone like you doing living in a place like Elmdale? This doesn’t really seem like your scene either.”

“Oh, it’s not. And I don’t live in Elmdale, which you’d know if Brenda had shared any information with you. I live in Schitt’s Creek.”

Patrick snorted. “Are you serious? Schitt’s Creek? You?”

“Mmhmm. Want to know something even crazier?”

“It would have to be pretty crazy to top that, but hit me.”

“I actually own the town.”

The noise Patrick made could not really be described. David hazarded a glance over at him and found Patrick staring at him, his wide grin back and overtaking his face.

“You… own… it?”

“That is almost entirely correct, yes.”

“Almost entirely?”

“Well, my name is on the deed, but my dad bought it for me when I was a kid, so… does that really mean I own it, or does my dad?”

“Oh, I think that means you do.”

David shrugged. “Yay, me.”

Patrick snorted. “You continue to surprise me, David Rose.”

“You’ve known me for like half an hour.”

“I know. And if that’s been any indication, you will continue to surprise me for the remainder of this examination.”

“Not sure how to take that.”

“So, how the hell did your dad buy you a town? _Why_ did your dad buy you a town?”

“He’s really bad at birthday gifts and thought the name was funny. I mean, he’s not wrong, the name is ridiculous, but maybe not for a nine-year-old’s birthday. My friends were so confused.”

Patrick laughed. “Ok, this begs the question. How the hell did your dad manage to afford an _entire town_ as an ill-advised gift for a small child?”

David glanced over at him. “Do you really not know who I am?”

“Um, David Rose?”

“Exactly.”

There was a long pause. “Okay, I’m gonna need you to elaborate here, David.

“Wow. You don’t get out much, do you? Read the news? Gossip sites? Social media?”

“Um… I’m not really one of those people.”

“Of course you aren’t.”

“Okay… so we’ve established I like rules, planning, and apparently sex-spreadsheets but I don’t like social media. Can you explain the rest, please?”

David sighed. “I used to be really rich. My family owned Rose Video. Have you heard of it?”

“Ohmygod,” Patrick breathed. “Um, yeah. That was my first job in high school.”

David groaned. “Of course it was.”

This day just kept getting weirder.

Patrick laughed then quieted. “Wait. I do remember hearing about this. Something about a shady business manager and tax issues?”

“Mmhmm… that is correct. So, we lost everything except the town, and that’s why we ended up living there. In two adjoining rooms at the motel, if you really want the _full_ picture of our fall from grace and my sad life. So, you may have run away from your plans, but at least you’re not sharing a motel room with your thirty-year-old sister.”

“Wow. You are the most interesting man I’ve ever met in my life, David Rose.”

David laughed and then winced. “Mmm… interesting. Sure. That’s the best descriptor you could come up with?”

“Oh, I’ve got loads of other adjectives I could use to describe you, but I think I’ll keep those close to the belt for right now.”

David rolled his eyes. “Oh, I’m sure. So many adjectives. Can’t wait to hear what those are.”

“Oh, you might be surprised,” Patrick said, the teasing tone back in his voice… mixed with something else that set David’s pulse pounding.

That… couldn’t be what he thought it was… could it?

There was no way.

Patrick was _not_ into him.

He was a very straight, discount-jeans wearing, bureaucratic nightmare, right? He was not someone who would be into a mess like David Rose. He was not a man who would even be into men, period, but if he was, it would definitely not be a man like David.

His life didn’t work like that. Especially not lately.

“Hmm,” David deflected. “I’m sure I’ve heard the adjectives before, honestly.”

“Oh, I’m sure you have,” Patrick agreed.

Okay, that did not answer any of David’s questions. It just made him more confused.

“Okay?” David said, his voice raising at the end. “Anyway, where the hell am I going? We’ve been driving for ages and you haven’t asked me to do anything remotely test like.”

“Are you hungry?” Patrick asked suddenly.

“Excuse me?”

“Are you hungry?” Patrick repeated. “There’s a really good food cart pod a little bit up the road.”

“Um, I know that, but aren’t we in the middle of a test?”

Patrick shrugged. “So, we can test your parking skills when we get there. I want lunch.”

“Okay? Won’t you get in trouble?”

“Who’s gonna know? You gonna tell Brenda that we stopped for food?”

“Uh… no? That seems like a bad idea.”

“Exactly. So, I want lunch. Do you want lunch?”

“I always want lunch. Or dinner. Sometimes breakfast, if it’s after ten a.m. anyway.”

Patrick smiled. “Good to know. So, head to the food carts, David. That’s your next assignment.”

David shrugged and kept driving.

He wasn’t going to turn down food.

“Wait. Are you buying? Because I wasn’t prepared for any added expenses today. The license will cost enough.”

“Ah, that’s assuming you pass.”

“Rude.”

Patrick laughed. “Yes, David. I’ll buy you lunch. It’s the least I can do for putting you through this very _unconventional_ driving examination.”

“That’s true. Then I suppose I’ll accept a few slices of pizza. And a coffee. And then maybe some dessert.”

Patrick snorted. “Okay, David. How long do you expect this examination to take?”

“You tell me? You’re the one who wants to stop for food.”

Patrick nodded. “Good point. I guess we’ll just see where the day takes us.”

David’s stomach flipped while his nerves ramped up. “Um, okay, but I have an appointment later this afternoon that I really need this license for and I can’t miss it. It’s… important.”

Patrick nodded. “Then, we’d better make lunch count.”

David didn’t know what Patrick exactly meant by that, so he didn’t know how to answer. Instead, he pressed his lips together and drove, pushing down his mounting anxiety and confusing feelings.

He was getting free pizza out of it, anyway.

Who was he to complain?


	4. Chapter 4

Patrick watched David eat pizza like he was the protagonist of a really hot erotic movie and David wasn’t sure how to process that.

Finally, the loud eyes got to be too much, especially since David didn’t know what the hell they were trying to communicate, and he finally broke.

“What?! Do I have something on my face?”

Patrick jumped slightly and blushed. “Oh. Um. No.” He paused and shot David a sly smile. “You _really_ like pizza, huh?”

Now it was David’s turn to blush and he set down the slice and mentally cursed his warm cheeks. “You still haven’t seen me eat dessert,” he muttered.

“Ohhh, can’t wait for that,” Patrick said, his grin growing wider as his gaze traveled across David’s face.

It was disconcerting, that gaze.

“Seriously, do I have something on my face?” David asked, patting at his cheeks.

Patrick shook his head, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “No, why?”

“Because you keep looking at me like I’m some kind of science experiment.”

Patrick’s cheeks went pinker and he huffed out a laugh as his gaze darted to the side, over David’s shoulder.

David could breathe again for a second, out of the laser beam of all that focus. He took a shaky breath and picked up his slice of pizza. Then, Patrick’s gaze was back on him and David couldn’t breathe again.

“Sorry. You’re fun to look at.”

“I’m—fun—to look at? _Fun_?! What does that even mean?”

Patrick laughed. “Fun in a good way. Not like… circus freak. We’ll see if that changes after dessert, though.”

David hummed in annoyance, squinting his eyes. “Why am I still talking to you?”

“Because you still want your license and I paid for your lunch. Also, there’s ice cream.”

“Hmmph,” David growled, taking another bite.

Patrick bit his lip and glanced down at his food for a second before focusing back on David with a fond, happy look that shot a warm, tingly feeling down to David’s toes.

“You almost done with your lunch, David?”

“Almost. Why?”

“Because I really want to buy you ice cream.”

David sucked on his bottom lip, regarding Patrick. “Why do I feel like there’s more to that than just wanting to buy me ice cream.”

Patrick’s face went crimson and his gaze darted away.

 _Interesting_.

_Very, very interesting._

“Patrick?” David asked, making sure his tone stayed very sweet. He wanted to test a theory that just popped up in his brain. He was probably way off base, but if he was wrong, he’d never see this guy beyond today, so what did it matter? He needed a little self-esteem pick me up, and if it went south, at least he could drown his sorrows in something filled with sugar.

Patrick’s gaze bounced back to his. “Yes, David?”

“It’s time for you to buy me some ice cream.”

* * *

Patrick’s mouth hadn’t closed for a good couple of minutes.

David pretended not to notice, but it was taking everything inside him not to preen happily into his strawberry ice cream.

He normally would have gone for a more creative flavor, but he had a vision, and that vision required pink ice cream.

For… _reasons_.

Once they both had their cones in hand and had moved away from the crowd, David went to work on his, licking and sucking it like he was giving the best blow job of his life. Honestly, he felt a little ridiculous and campy, but at the first lick, Patrick’s expression had gone slack and his pupils had dilated to an alarming degree, his breath coming out in choppy, little bursts.

Oh yeah. Theory had been validated.

Patrick was _definitely_ into him.

In fact, he was so into him, he currently looked like he wanted to pin David against a nearby tree and do all the things to him that he was currently doing to his ice cream cone.

David stopped being embarrassed and started to have fun. He let out a little whimper of a groan during one particularly long lick and Patrick gasped, his tongue darting out to lick his own lips.

That sight shot a zing of electricity straight to David’s cock and he had to shift slightly, not wanting to give away the game.

“Patrick?” he asked.

“Huh?” Patrick’s voice was breathy and reed thin.

“Do you not like your ice cream?”

“Huh?” Patrick asked again.

“You’re not eating it. It’s melting all over your hand.”

Patrick blinked and glanced down, his cheeks going red. “Fuck.”

David grinned, quickly rearranging his face into a concerned look before Patrick noticed. “Something wrong?”

Patrick’s gaze flashed back up to David’s face, narrowing slightly, the punch-drunk look disappearing slightly.

“David.” His tone was flat, a little suspicious.

“Yes?” David asked, doing his best to remain innocent.

“I think you might be a fucking tease.”

David grinned and moved the cone away from his mouth. “Whatever are you talking about?”

Patrick glared, but there was no heat in it. He stared back down at his hand. “I made a mess,” he said, sadly.

“I think that might be my fault. Hold on a second.” David walked back to the cart and grabbed a handful of napkins before heading back and handing them to Patrick. “Here, give me. I’ll hold your cone while you get cleaned up.”

“Is that a euphemism?” Patrick teased, handing David the cone and wiping down his hands.

“Do you want it to be?” David teased.

This was fun.

Patrick’s barely qualifying eyebrows raised. “Oh, you’re definitely a tease,” he said, his voice low.

Oh boy. That tone of voice _did things_ to David.

He stared down at the dripping cone. “Uh, this is really melting now.”

“Yeah. Here, give it back,” Patrick ordered, taking it from David’s grip and licking the melted bits suggestively while staring David in the eyes.

 _Fuck_.

Seemed like Patrick could give as well as he could take.

David’s blood heated up and his skin burned while he looked down at his cone and tried not to hyperventilate.

He definitely could not handle watching Patrick’s pink tongue work at all that ice cream. He shifted uncomfortably again.

He’d just wanted a replacement license and instead he’d gotten an inconvenient erection.

He was in _so_ much trouble.


	5. Chapter 5

The drive back toward the DMV was quieter than David would have liked or expected. He thought maybe it was because they were both stuffed full of food and unresolved, confusing feelings.

At least for his part, anyway.

He wasn’t entirely sure what was going on with Patrick.

After they’d finished their ice cream, they very quietly cleaned their hands and headed back to the car. David honestly assumed that after so much sexual tension in such a short of period of time that Patrick would have kissed him… touched him… done _something_. He was throwing clues at David like it was some kind of sports game and David was the VIP. So, David expected Patrick to at least _try_ to take it further. It wasn’t like David would have said no.

Only Patrick didn’t do any of that.

In fact, he pulled so far back from the teasing, and did it so abruptly, that David’s erection died a confused, unceremonious death. His ego wasn’t far behind.

It’s just, David wasn’t used to being blown off so thoroughly. Not at the beginning, anyway. Not before they even did anything.

Historically, if someone wanted him sexually, they let him know in no uncertain terms that they wanted him, and then they did something about it. David wasn’t one to say no to hooking up with someone he was attracted to.

It was all the other stuff people he hooked up with were less clear about. He never knew where he stood _after_ sex.

Or maybe they weren’t being unclear? Maybe they just never wanted him for anything more than a good fuck?

That was probably more like it.

Regardless, he’d never had to overthink sex so much before.

The thing was, he’d never had a problem _getting_ laid… especially not if the other person had been as visibly turned on as Patrick had been while David performed fellatio on his ice cream cone.

Patrick had _definitely_ been interested in that. Interested in David.

But now… it was like a different person was sitting in the passenger seat next to him. The cute, flirty guy who had been there before was gone, replaced by silent bureaucracy.

Now Patrick finally was acting like a DMV test person and David hated everything about it.

“Turn left up here,” Patrick ordered, his voice soft.

“That’s the long way back to Elmdale.”

“I know,” said Patrick.

“O-okay?” David stammered, and turned left.

They drove a little while in silence before Patrick sighed. “I’m sorry, you said you had an appointment you had to get back in time for?”

“Yeah, but not for a couple hours. I just need my license and to be on my way, and I don’t know how long that process will take? I mean, considering Brenda.”

“Ah, yeah. Well, I’ll see what I can do to expedite your paperwork.”

“Thanks?”

God, why was this so weird? Why did he have to go and pull that stunt with the ice cream? He’d really liked the vibe between them on the way to lunch, and he went and ruined it by being overtly sexual with a probably straight guy who was unexpectedly turned on and now was freaking out about it.

Patrick sighed again and cleared his throat. “You said earlier that you wanted to start a business?”

His tone was tentative, but at least he was talking again. That was something, at least.

David looked over at him in surprise, afraid to say anything that might spook him. “I did?”

Patrick threw him a small smile. “You did. In one of your many long-winded diatribes.”

David pulled a face. “Okay. Would we call them long-winded?”

“I think I just did, yeah.”

Okay… maybe the teasing was back. David’s heartbeat sped up again… hopeful, but wary… even if that _was_ a very rude statement.

He sniffed and made an offended noise. “Yes. I’m opening a store. At least, I _hope_ that’s what I’m doing. I still have to file the papers and get approved for the business, but I was approved to lease the space, at least.”

“What kind of a store? Like clothes, or?”

David shook his head. “No. I’ve had enough of trying to impart fashion sense to this county, thank you very much. It’s going to be a general but very specific store.”

Patrick let out a soft laugh. “Okay?”

David nodded. “Yeah. So, my sister forced me to go with her to a couple local flea markets when she was trying out some terrifying dating app—I was her wingman—and while I was stuck there, I realized that there are a lot of vendors in this area who make really great products. Skin, cleaning, accessories, you name it. Really high quality stuff, but they aren’t getting any traction at those horrible, dirty, low-rent flea markets. So, I had an idea to buy their products on consignment and re-label them under my brand and sell them in an upscale boutique sort of environment. Sand and stone color scheme—not grass and dirt and bugs and… plaid. It’s a business model that benefits both the consumer and the vendor. And… well, _me_.”

Patrick was quiet for long enough to make David start to worry. He glanced over and found Patrick gazing at him with a look of wonder.

“Wow.” Patrick’s voice was barely a whisper.

David wasn’t sure how to take that.

“Is it a bad idea?” he asked, unable to keep the note of concern out of his voice. He _did_ try, but it came out pretty shaky and high pitched.

Patrick shook his head, the movement rapid. “No! No, it’s actually a great idea, David. Really impressive. You thought of all that yourself?”

David grimaced. “Yes. Contrary to what everyone seems to think, I’m not stupid. I _did_ go to University. I ran successful galleries in New York, even if they were only successful because of my parents, so maybe that doesn't really count, I don’t know.”

“No, I’m not saying you’re not smart, David. Obviously you’re smart. I knew that the second I started talking to you. It’s just… that’s an inventive, sustainable business model. I’m so impressed.”

“Really?” David needed to unpack why the approval of a stranger meant so much to him, no matter how cute he was, but he’d do that later. Right now he wanted to know just how impressed Patrick was, and why.

“Yeah. What have you done so far?”

“Um. Well, I’ve gone to the DMV to replace my license so I can fill out the paperwork to even begin to start this whole process.”

“Is that what your appointment is, later? For the paperwork?”

David nodded, biting his lip. “I lost my license the other night, I think when I was at the Wobbly Elm, and I didn’t want anyone to know. They’d just tell me I’m too irresponsible to start a business. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.”

“David, as an observant employee of the Elmdale DMV for the last two months, I can state with certainty that all sorts of people lose their licenses. Even high-powered, important, responsible business people who everyone respects.”

“Really?”

“Definitely.”

“Well, oddly, that makes me feel better, so thank you.”

“Any time.”

David glanced over at him. “So… two months at this job, huh? Don't think I didn't clock that. It’s only been two months since you walked away from all your plans?”

Patrick sighed and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Um… and how’s that… going?”

Patrick laughed, the sound loud and short. “Still up in the air.”

“Well, if it’s any help, this is the best trip to the DMV I’ve ever had, so….”

Patrick snorted. “Thanks, I think.”

“Oh, it’s absolutely a compliment. If I’d had to deal with Brenda, I’d still be hungry.”

“Maybe I should recommend frequent lunch outings to corporate.”

“It would definitely improve your overall brand.”

Patrick giggled. “Okay, head back to the DMV. We wouldn’t want you to miss your paperwork appointment.”

“But, what about my test?”

“Oh, I think it will be fine. Like you said, you just did this a few months ago.”

“What about the rules? You said you’re a stickler for the rules, and I'm fairly certain your jeans would agree.”

Patrick chuckled and watched David a second before finally answering, his tone low and thoughtful.

“Well, I’m guess I’m finally learning to embrace some different truths about myself.”

David bit his lip and did his very best not to read too much into that statement.

He didn't succeed.


	6. Chapter 6

Once they got back to the DMV, everything was a whirlwind. Patrick held to his promise of expediting David’s paperwork, and before he knew it, he was standing in front of a very disinterested Brenda, passing drive test documentation in hand.

This time, she didn’t give him a hard time and his replacement license was quickly approved. She gruffly ordered him to head down to the end of the counter to get his picture taken, and he glanced around for Patrick before realizing that’s who was manning the camera.

Tucking a smile into his cheek, he sauntered toward the boring, blue backdrop.

“Well, fancy meeting you here,” he purred.

Patrick’s face flushed and he shot a shy, sweet smile at David. “I’m a man of many talents.”

“Oh, I bet you are,” David teased, raising his eyebrows in what he hoped was a suggestive and not completely ridiculous manner.

Patrick flushed a deeper red and raised his hand to cover his smile. “Okay,” he said, his words muffled. “I’m at work, David. Behave.”

“You were at work back at the food carts, too.”

Patrick shook his head and let his hand drop, his expression going very intent. “ _Nothing_ about that was work.”

Now it was David’s turn to flush hot. He cleared his throat and stared down at his cuticles before finally managing to compose himself. “Oh, so taking my photograph is work, though? Good to know.”

Patrick laughed. “Hardly. I’m sure you take beautiful photographs. Even by DMV standards.”

David lifted his gaze and smiled. “I have been known to model in the past.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” Patrick answered, his voice earnest.

The tone made David want to be honest. “And by past, I mean when I was a pre-teen and my mom insisted I be an active participant in the infamous _Little Mister_ pageants.”

Patrick laughed, the sound delighted. “I’m sure you were _very_ cute.”

“Mmm,” David hummed, as non-committal as possible and tried not to shudder. Some of those pageant costumes had been… a lot. Even for him.

Brenda’s voice rang out, echoing through the waiting room. “Hey, Brewer! Stop flirting and take the damn photo! We’ve got other people waiting!”

Patrick’s eyes widened and his head whipped around to stare at her, his cheeks turning a mottled red. Then he turned back to David and swallowed heavily, his eyes panicked. “Um, we’d better….” He motioned to the backdrop.

David nodded and sat. “Yep! Let’s take the photo. Make sure it’s a good one.”

Patrick smiled slightly. “I’ll do my best.”

“See that you do. I have to hold on to this thing for years.”

“Or, you could just lose it again and make another trip back here,” Patrick teased.

David held his hands to his chest in mock outrage. “And have to deal with Brenda again? I think not.”

Patrick smiled and motioned for David to sit back. “Look at the red dot, David.”

David did, and flashed his most charming smile just as the shutter clicked.

Patrick looked at the monitor and let out a surprised sounding noise. “God. You _are_ photogenic.”

“Ooh, let me see?” David said, moving to the counter and bouncing on his toes as he waited.

Patrick turned the monitor slightly. “Does this meet with your approval?”

David studied the small version of himself. It was actually a decent picture. He looked… happy. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked happy in a photo.

“That’s perfectly acceptable,” he said, nodding and trying to push down the weird jolt he felt at that realization.

He’d only had an hour or so with a cute DMV employee he’d never see again, and now all he’d have for the next decade was a small, plastic reminder of how happy that interaction had made him.

God, that was depressing.

“Why the frown?” Patrick said, interrupting his train of thought. “I thought you liked it.”

“I do! It’s a decent pic. I approve. Print it out.”

Patrick nodded and grabbed a sheet of paper from the printer. “Your real copy will be in the mail in 3-5 days, but in the meantime, here’s your temporary card.” He flipped over the paper and hesitated a minute before writing something on the back, his cheeks going a little pink.

When he handed the paper to him, it took everything in David not to flip it over and read whatever Patrick had written. Instead, he flashed him the same smile he’d given the camera.

Patrick’s eyes widened and he took a step back, sucking in a quick breath. “David,” he started to say, his voice breathy.

“Brewer!” Brenda’s shout interrupted.

Patrick’s mouth snapped shut and he looked over at her with alarm.

“People are waiting! Are you through with the love fest?”

Patrick went bright red and nodded, throwing David a panicked look. “I—uh—got to get back to work.”

David bit his lip and nodded. “Okay. It was nice meeting you, Patrick.”

“You, too. Good luck on your business, David. I’m sure you’re going to do great.”

David shot him a smile and let the pleasure of those words roll over him. It was nice to have that kind of blind faith thrown his way, even if it was from someone he’d just met.

“Thanks, Patrick. Bye, I guess?”

“Bye.” Patrick’s tone was hesitant and a little fond, and he seemed distracted for a minute before he shook his head and looked over David’s shoulder. “Next!” he called out and then glanced at David, shrugging his shoulders and throwing him an apologetic smile.

David nodded and moved out of the way, taking a deep breath before he headed out the door and back to his car, his stomach in knots.

Why did it feel like he was walking away from something really important?

He was back in the driver’s seat, turning the key in the ignition before he remembered that Patrick had written something on the back of his temporary license. He scrambled for the sheet of paper on the passenger seat and flipped it over.

There, written in neat, precise handwriting, was **_Patrick Brewer- 555-249-3742_**.

David grinned at the paper, his heart hammering in his chest.

Maybe he wasn’t walking away from anything after all.


	7. Chapter 7

The drive back to Schitt’s Creek and subsequent appointment with Ray brought down David’s mood considerably. By the time the paperwork was finally filled out, David walked back to the motel with Ray’s thrilled yet somehow still _very_ negative words ringing through his head.

Maybe it _was_ a confusing concept?

Maybe the people of Schitt’s Creek _were_ looking forward to Christmas decorations, not overpriced candles?

Maybe David was an… overly ambitious person? That seemed like a stretch, but maybe Ray had a point?

But… Patrick had loved the idea. He had looked at David like he was some kind of genius and _told_ him the idea was good. Great, even!

So it had to be successful.

Patrick saw it, and he trusted Patrick, even if he’d only known him for a couple hours.

Ray just couldn’t embrace David’s vision.

That’s all it was.

He trudged through the motel parking lot just as Stevie pulled the housekeeping cart into one of the rooms. Bypassing his room, he headed toward where she was, walking inside and pulling the door shut behind him.

She glanced up in surprise and studied him, her face scrunching up. “Am I about to be murdered? Did you finally embrace your full serial killer potential? Am I your first victim?”

“We all have to start somewhere. Might as well be at the bottom,” David answered, flopping down on the bed.

“Touché. And, get up! I was just going to make that.”

“Well, I’m wallowing for a minute, so it can wait.”

“Why are you wallowing?”

“Ray told me my idea was dumb.”

“You went there to file your papers, and he told you your idea was dumb?”

“That is correct.”

“That doesn’t sound like Ray.”

“Okay, maybe he didn’t outright say it was dumb, but he basically danced a jig while happily explaining to me all the ways it would inevitably fail horribly.”

“Okay, that sounds more like Ray.”

“Yeah.” He sat up and stared at her. “Stevie, am I doing the right thing?”

“David, you know I think your idea is good. We’ve gone over this so many times that if you make me sit through it again, I’d actually welcome the sweet release of death.”

“Good to remember for when I want to start that spree killer phase.”

“I thought we’d settled on serial killer?”

“That takes too much planning.”

She snorted and started to clean down the surfaces.

“Um… so speaking of planning….”

She paused, rag in hand, and stared at him. “What about it? What are you planning?”

“Oh, nothing. I just… I may have… well, I met someone who is a bit of a planner, that’s all.”

She set down the rag and studied him, eyes gleaming. “You met someone?”

“That is correct.”

“Where? Who?”

“His name is Patrick, and I, uh… methimattheDMV,” he answered, mumbling the last part.

“Wait. What? You met him at the DMV? Is that what I just heard? When did you go to the DMV?”

David sighed and flopped his arm over his eyes. “This morning.”

“Why the hell did you go to the DMV this morning?”

“I had to get a replacement license because I lost mine the other night at the Wobbly Elm, I think.”

Stevie laughed. “David, you didn’t lose your license.”

He removed his arm and sat up, squinting at her. “Yes, I did. What?”

She shook her head. “No, you didn’t.” She reached into the front pocket of her flannel and pulled it out, tossing it at him. “Here. I’ve been hanging onto this for way too long anyway.”

He stared down at the piece of plastic in his hands. “You’ve had it this whole time? Why the hell didn’t you just give it back to me?”

She shrugged. “I was waiting for you to bitch about it, but you never did.” She stared at him. “Instead you just went to the DMV to get another one?”

“Yes! Stevie! I just shelled out cash on something I didn’t need to because you had it!”

“Well, why the hell didn’t you ask if anyone had seen it?”

David groaned and flopped back down. “Because I didn’t want anyone to tell me I was too irresponsible to start a business.”

She sat down next to him on the bed. “So, let me get this straight. You didn’t want people to tell you that you were irresponsible for forgetting you set your license down on the bar, so instead you drove all the way to Elmdale without a license and spent money you don’t have to replace it?”

“That is correct.”

“Mmm. That sounds completely responsible.”

“Shut up.”

“So, tell me about this guy. Patrick? Did you strike up a romance on those little plastic seats while you waited in hell?”

“No. Uh… he… he might have been my driving examiner.”

She barked out a laugh. “What?!”

“The lady behind the counter forced me to take the driving test again, and Patrick was the one who did it.”

“You fell in love during a driver’s test?”

“We did not _fall in love_!” David growled, horrified. “There was just a lot of flirting. And he took me to lunch.”

“He took you to lunch? When?”

“During the test,” David admitted. “He told me to drive to that food cart place outside of Elmdale.”

“You… you went on a date _during_ your driving examination?”

“Mmhmm, yep.”

Stevie started laughing, flopping down next to him before turning on her side to watch him. “So, tell me about him?”

“He’s—he’s really cute, in a boring, driving instructor sort of way. I don’t know. He was sweet, and earnest, and he… teased me.”

“ _I_ tease you. I didn’t see you falling in love with me.”

“I’m _not_ in love with him! And his teasing is different.”

“Different how?”

“I don’t know. Just… different. I like it.”

She watched him a second longer, her gaze assessing, then a slow grin broke across her face. “Oh, you really like him. When are you going to see him next?”

“I have no idea. I don’t know that I am.”

“Well, I mean, you could always lose your license again.”

David glared at her, then pulled out the temporary license from his pocket, handing it to her.

She stared down at it. “This picture is better than your last one. You’re actually smiling here.”

“Ignore the license. Look at the other side.”

She flipped the paper over and giggled, her smile going larger. “Aww, he gave you his number!”

“He did.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

“I have no earthly idea.”

“Did you kiss him?”

He glared at her. “No! I just met him.”

“Never stopped you before.”

“Suck on an icepick.”

“So, what I’m hearing is that you wanted to kiss him, but he didn’t make a move.”

He continued glaring at her and then covered his face with his arm again. “Shut up.”

She started laughing. “Well, he gave you his number, so either he’s interested, or he thought you needed additional driver’s training. Which… fair.”

“Fuck off.”

“Seriously. What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know,” David wailed.

“Hmm. Well, while you try to figure it out, I found this under the bed in Room 3.” She pulled a joint out of her pocket. “Wanna partake while you work out what to do?”

“That’s _disgusting_. And, yes, please.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Hi, David? This is Patrick.”

David sat on a chair in the middle of his empty, leased space and winced—the shiver of embarrassment traveling the length of his body.

Curse Stevie and her pot of unknown origin!

He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and forged on.

“Anyway, I just thought I’d call you to let you know I got that paperwork… um, the paperwork we discussed… I got that filed. So, I just thought I’d call and tell you… that. And, um… yeah. So, I’ll talk to you later! Ciao!”

He hung up and groaned.

“Ciao. I just said ciao to that person.”

 _You also called him David, you complete and utter turnip_.

Sighing, David hit redial.

Thankfully, the phone went to voicemail. Patrick was probably still working, or something.

“Hi, PATRICK. I think I… I think I called you David. Um, which that’s… that’s not your name. So, you can just delete that text… that um… that voicemail. Um… I just wanted to tell you that I came up with a name for the store. The guy who filled out the papers for me was very snippy and he refused to go further… oh, hold on, I think I got a text.”

His phone had begun to vibrate in his hand. It was an incoming text from Stevie. Something about how good the weed had been, but maybe too good, because now she was hallucinating in the lobby while trying to talk to Roland.

He winced. If ever there was a mood-killer, it was Roland. Adding good drugs couldn’t even help _that_ situation.

He lifted the phone back to his ear and realized that the call to Patrick had disconnected.

_Fuck!_

Groaning louder, he redialed. “Hi, sorry. The text cut us off. Anyway, as I was saying… wait. What was I saying? Oh! The name. Yeah, so the guy who filled out the paperwork for me… Ray… anyway, he wouldn’t go any further until I had a name picked out. Something about needing to follow all the steps in order, which… it’s paperwork. Can’t you just go back to what you left blank? Like… it’s not hard to just skip a question. Anyway, he wouldn’t let me, so I just blurted the first thing that came to mind, which was Rose Apothecary. He put that down, so I guess that’s the name of my store now. _Rose Apothecary_. What do you think? Anyway, you’re at work, probably… or you’re just ignoring my calls, which… let's be honest… I wouldn’t blame you… so I think I’m going to go now. I’ll talk to you later, Patrick.”

He hung up and then stared at his phone in horror. Fuck! He didn’t do the one thing he’d meant to do when calling Patrick in the first place.

“Oh, god,” he whispered, and dialed again.

“Hi, it’s me! Again! Calling you for the eleventy billionth time! Um, I forgot to do the one thing I meant to do on the first call which was to say thank you for today. Both for the free pass on the test and the free food. You didn’t have to do either of those things, so I appreciate it. Um… there’s another thing. You gave me your number, so I hope I’m not really off-base here, but I thought maybe you’d like to go out some time? I mean, we never discussed your… preferences… so, I could be completely wrong. Which, if that’s the case, go ahead and delete all these messages and never contact me again because I'll have died of embarrassment. But… but, if I’m not misreading things… I mean, it felt like maybe there was a spark there? At least, there was for me. And if there was a spark for you, too, then I’d be stupid to pass that up, even in spite of your jeans. So, um… if I’m _not_ wrong, let me know. I’ll buy you food this time. Hope to hear from you soon. Ciao!”

He hung up and stared at his phone like it had personally offended him. “Ciao?! Again?? Fuck.”

He hung his head and did his best to regulate his breathing. He’d never been so nervous to ask someone out in his entire life. What was going on with him? Had he been in this god-forsaken town so long that he’d lost his touch? Why was he so nervous? It was just a date. Albeit, a date with a really infuriatingly cute and sweet guy, but… just a date. It wasn’t like they were going to get married, or anything.

It was just a date. Maybe.

It was more likely that Patrick was straight and just being nice, and now he’d be forced to let David down easy because David was a fucking menace with no impulse control.

David groaned and rested his head in his hands for a minute before sitting back and staring around the empty space.

How the hell was he going to pull this off on his own?

Maybe Ray was right.

***

David had just started to fall asleep when his phone buzzed on the nightstand next to him. He blindly reached over and grabbed it, blinking at the light in the darkness.

Rose Apothecary, huh?  
  
I like it. It’s JUST pretentious enough  
  


Suddenly, David was wide awake, sucking in a quick breath. He’d given up on Patrick responding to his barrage of ridiculous voicemails, but he was texting! David bit back a smile and tried to decide the best way to answer.

I’m sorry, who is this?  
  
And, would we call that pretentious, or… timeless?  
  
Are you in the habit of leaving multiple, rambling voicemails to random phone numbers?  
  
That sounds on brand, actually  
  
And, I like the name, David. It fits the whole idea you have  
  
Yeah? You think so?  
  
Absolutely. I’m glad you got back in time for your appointment  
  


David smiled at his phone, considering. Patrick still hadn’t answered the question about the date, so maybe it was crossing dangerous territory, but fuck it.

Even if I missed it, today would have been worth it  
  
Can you talk?  
  


David glanced over toward Alexis, a lump under her covers.

My sister is asleep, so probably not  
  
We can text, though  
  
Okay  
  
I had a great time today, David  
  
So did I  
  
Did you get my last voicemail?  
  
Well, I don’t know  
  
Which one was your last?  
  
There are so many to choose from  
  
Ha. Ha.  
  
The one where I asked if you wanted to maybe let me buy you food  
  


David watched the dots of a response text appear and disappear, his stomach sinking and his nerves ramping up before Patrick finally answered.

I'd really like that  
  


David grinned at the phone, his exhale of relief loud in the silence of the room.

“David! Too much light! Turn off your phone, you night rat! Go to sleep! Ugh!”

David winced and typed a response.

I just woke up my sister  
  
She’s screaming at me  
  
Can I call you tomorrow?  
  
Please  
  
I might be busy at work, but hey…  
  
If I don’t answer, you can just leave a message  
  


David huffed out a laugh.

Funny.  
  
Good night, Patrick  
  
Good night, David  
  


David set his phone done on the nightstand, the light extinguishing and plunging the room into darkness.

In the shadows surrounding him, David smiled up at the ceiling.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning, David didn’t wake up until well after ten. The room was empty, so Alexis must have been out on a run. David slowly sat up in bed, stretching, and tried to figure out why he felt so… loose?

Loose and weirdly floaty.

Then he remembered the texts, and _Patrick_ , and the loose, floaty feeling inside him ramped up into something far more excited and urgent.

He fumbled for his phone on the nightstand, dialing Patrick’s number before he could talk himself out of it. The call went to voicemail because of _course_ it did… Patrick had a job like a normal person.

After the beep, David cleared his throat. “PATRICK, hiiiii. It’s David. Um… David Rose. You might remember me from all of the insane voicemails I left you yesterday. Um… I know you said you’d be open to me buying you food, so what do you think about tonight? Do you think you could come to Schitt’s Creek? I’ll take you to the Café Tropical. The food there is moderately edible, and it’s really the only option we have. Unless you want Jocelyn Schitt to make you dinner, and unless you like questionable dishes involving too much cheese, and that’s saying a lot coming from me, I’d skip that choice. Anyhow, I know you’re working, and I promise this will be the _only_ message I leave you today, because I am not a complete monster. Call me back when you get a chance? Okay… um… bye… Patrick.”

David hung up before he could do any further damage and dropped his phone, groaning into his hands.

The door swung open and Alexis burst through. “Eww, David! It’s like a witch’s hut in here. Why is it so dark?” She slid open the curtains, causing a beam of bright sunlight to hit David’s face.

He hissed and shrank back.

“Ugh, David. You’re like a vampire, I swear. Wake up! Get out of bed!”

“Why?”

“Because, you can’t sleep all day.” She paused and eyed David, a small smile playing about her lips.

David didn’t like that at all.

“What’s _that_ look for?”

“I saw Stevie when I went to get a cinnamon roll.”

“What good is all that running if you just get cinnamon rolls right after?”

“Anyway,” Alexis continued. “Stevie mentioned you had a little datey date yesterday? Yay, David, yay!”

David groaned. _Fucking Stevie_.

“It wasn’t a _date_. It was just food… during my driving test.”

Alexis booped him on the nose. “Isn’t that just the most adorable thing?”

“Ugh. _Stop!_ Anyway, what’s your point?”

“No point. It’s just cute. When are you going to see him again?”

David paused, his cheeks going hot. “Umm… I might have asked him out. Tonight. I don’t know if he’ll say yes, though. I just… left a message.”

Her eyes got very large and he rushed to stop her from getting even more excited.

“I mean, I asked him out last night, and he said he’d be open to the idea. We just couldn’t get set up anything or go into details because you started yelling at me for not being asleep.”

“David!” She slapped his arm. “You should have told me you were talking to a boy! I’d have put my sleep mask on.”

“Would you have, though?” David asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Ugh, David. Of _course_ I would. You’re very cranky when you haven’t gotten laid, and we all know you haven’t gotten any for a while now. Why do you think I spend so much time at Ted’s? There’s only so much I want to hear through the walls while you’re in the shower. Ew, David.”

He glared at her. “Fuck off, Alexis.”

“So, _anyway_ , how come you only left a message? Is he already avoiding your calls?”

“No! He’s at work!” David protested, his voice going high pitched.

Alexis’ eyebrows pinched together and her expression went sympathetic. She booped him lightly on the nose, making a tsk’ing noise. “Okay, I’m sure that’s all it is, David.”

“It is!” David squeaked.

“Okay, David.

Then she floated toward the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

David growled and flipped off the door before flopping back in bed and pulling the covers over his head.

***

David’s phone buzzed as he paced around the empty space that was his store. The store that had nothing in it. The store that would possibly _never_ have anything in it because he had no idea where to even start.

He answered without looking at the screen, assuming it was Stevie. She was supposed to be there, helping him at least clean the place, but he was pretty sure she’d blown him off for a trip to visit Jake at his wood shop, which… fair. But, still… they’d made _plans_!

“You’re a fucking garbage demon! You should be here helping me sweep and calming down my anxiety, not getting yourself off with some himbo who we both know would be down for a fuck at _any_ time, not just when you’d already made prior plans with _me_!”

The stretch of silence following David’s rant made him pause. A prickle of unease ran through his body and he pulled the phone away from his ear and glanced down at the display. His heart dropped to his toes and he let out an undignified squeak before bringing the phone quickly back to his ear.

“Um—”

“I’m not sure how exactly to respond to that, David. Who is the himbo in this scenario, anyway? I feel like I should meet him.” Patrick’s amused voice came through the line like a bullet of humiliation.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I thought you were Stevie… my friend… oh my god. I’m going to go die now. Please disregard my previous invitation. I’m way too embarrassed to see you tonight. Or any time ever, possibly.”

“Well, that’s real inconvenient, David, because I’m currently sitting in my car, which is parked next to Café Tropical, and I can tell you that I’m real curious to see what the inside of this place looks like.”

David’s eyes went wide and he struggled to suck in a breath. “Y-You’re… what now? Where?”

“I’m in Schitt’s Creek, David. Where are you?”

“How are you here? Aren’t you still supposed to be working?”

“Um… yes? Technically? I left early. Where are you? Are you in town? Please tell me I didn’t drive all the way here to have to wait hours for you by myself in a questionable eating establishment.”

David let out a quiet puff of laughter, nerves exploding in his stomach. “Yeah, I’m in town. I’m actually across the street from the café.”

“You are? Where?”

“You see that brick building on the opposite corner? Looks kinda derelict. Big windows?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m inside. Come see me?”

“I’ll be there in two seconds.”

David barely had time to smooth back his hair, straighten his sweater, and take a deep, cleansing breath before Patrick was at the door, peering in. A big smile overtook his face when his gaze fell on David, all alone in an empty space, and he raised his hand in a tiny wave.

“It’s unlocked,” David yelled.

Patrick reached for the handle and opened the door, stepping inside to look around.

“Wow. Is this…?”

“My empty store? Correct.”

“Wow,” Patrick repeated. “This is great, David!”

“I don’t know about great. It’s about as empty and filthy as my brain is currently,” David answered, then his face flushed hot. That sounded way more suggestive than he meant it to.

Patrick’s smile morphed from pleased awe into something more teasing… a little evil. “Oh, please tell me more about your filthy, empty brain, David.”

“Shut up. That came out wrong.”

“You sure about that?”

David groaned and looked up at the ceiling, wishing for a quick death to take him away from the last five minutes.

“I’m just teasing.” Patrick’s voice was much closer now, and David’s head snapped down to find him standing right in front of him, barely an arm’s length away. “Hi.”

“Hi,” David breathed in a shallow breath, his heart pounding. “How are you here? The DMV is still open.”

“It is, yeah,” Patrick answered, nodding. “But, I left early.”

“You said that already. Why?”

“I got your message.”

“Yeah, and? I asked you to dinner. Dinner isn’t for….” He glanced at his watch. “Another three hours, at least.”

“I know, but I went to work at like 5 am because I couldn’t sleep last night, so I got a ton of stuff done. Brenda let me leave early.”

“Brenda?” David asked, unconvinced. “That doesn’t sound like Brenda.”

“I know, it surprised me, too, but I guess I was pretty useless after that voicemail, so….”

“You were _useless_ after my voicemail? Why?”

Patrick huffed out a quiet laugh and took another step forward. David could feel the heat pouring off of him. “David, I spent the majority of last night replaying how fucking insanely sexy you looked devouring an ice cream cone, so you really think I wanted to wait a second longer before I did this?”

“Before you did wha—?”

The question died a quick death under the soft press of Patrick’s lips against his.


	10. Chapter 10

David wasn’t entirely sure how or when they ended up in the back room of the store, surrounded by even more dust and random boxes the general store had left behind, but there they were. Patrick had him pressed up against the wall, kissing him as if his life depended on it.

David's life might depend on it, anyway. He was fairly sure he might die from both the shock and how good it felt.

He certainly hadn’t been expecting… this.

He thought maybe he’d get a nice date out of it—some questionable food, flirting glances, and if he was really lucky, a hug or a chaste kiss.

Instead, his hands were traversing down a surprisingly well-muscled back, gorgeous shoulders that David couldn’t stop touching, and an ass he accidentally slid his palms over, his brain whiting out and going static at the plump, perfectness of it.

Patrick gasped against David’s mouth like he’d been hit with a cattle prod, and David quickly pulled his hands away, his face going hot. God, he’d just met the guy… not that it had ever stopped him before. There were plenty of times he’d literally been on his knees in front of someone he’d just met a couple hours earlier, his mouth full of their cock.

He’d never been too discerning when it came to sex.

Patrick, though… Patrick felt like something different. Earnest and sweet and, up until now, David would have thought extremely awkward. He was hardly awkward _now_ , though—his leg slotted in-between David’s, groaning against his lips and grinding a very tantalizing harness against David’s thigh.

David pulled back, gasping, but couldn’t dislodge the very muscular octopus from his body.

“Patrick,” he whimpered. “God… that feels so good… but, aren’t we moving a little fast?” David winced, hating that those words had come out of his mouth—a mouth he really wanted wrapped around all that hardness currently pressed against his leg.

Why had he said that? He wanted to move fast! Fast was _good_. Fast would get Patrick's dick out of his pants. But, now he'd gone and opened his mouth and said the exact opposite of what he actually wanted.

Patrick blinked at him, eyes clearing slightly, then his face turned bright red and he jumped backward.

“Oh! Oh my god. I’m so sorry, David! I don’t know what came over me!”

“Um, well, I could throw out a couple guesses.”

Patrick laughed weakly, burying his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry.”

“God, don’t apologize. That was the best greeting I’ve gotten since I moved here.”

Patrick dropped his hands from his face and looked up at David from underneath his lashes, smiling slightly. “Well, in that case, I’m just sorry I got carried away.”

“Hmm. Also not sorry about _that_ ,” David answered, grinning.

Patrick laughed again, this time sounding far less anemic about it. He looked around. “Um, your store is seriously lacking in product, David.”

David groaned. “Don’t remind me. I was lamenting about that and the dirty floors right before you came in and kissed all the thoughts out of my head.”

Patrick grinned and ducked his head again, clearing his throat. “Um. Yes. Well, I can’t exactly help you fill your store with product, but I _can_ help you clean.”

David stared at Patrick’s lips and considered his options. The floor _was_ dirty.

“Okay. We’ll clean. But, then we’re going to kiss some more before dinner.”

“Oh, we are?”

“Mmm. Definitely.” He gestured between them. “This is not over. I liked that too much.”

Patrick tried to cover his smile with his hand. “I liked it too, David.”

“Well, clearly,” David teased, glancing down at Patrick’s pants. “Still do, it seems.”

Patrick flushed. “David,” he warned, his voice a little shaky.

David grinned and pushed off the wall. “Come on, Patrick. I’ll find you a broom.”

***

“So, have you given much thought to how you _are_ going to get product, David?” Patrick stopped sweeping and leaned on the broom.

“I thought I told you about all the vendors?”

“Oh, you did. But, how did you plan on getting the product out of their hands and into the store?”

“Oh, that’s easy. I’ll just charm them.”

Patrick laughed. “Oh, of course. _Easy_.”

David frowned at the teasing note. “You don’t think I’m capable of charming people, Patrick?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to. Trust me, I didn’t grow up around movie stars and business bigwigs to learn nothing. I can charm, Patrick. _Very_ well. In fact, I seem to recall charming _you_ well enough. Have you already forgotten what just happened in the back room?”

“Oh, I’m not forgetting that any time soon.” Patrick’s voice had dropped a pitch, making David shiver.

David sniffed and did his best to pretend like he wasn’t affected as much as he actually was.

“Anyway, I know I’ll be able to get vendors to sign contracts. It’s the rest of it I’m not sure of.”

“What aren't you sure of?”

“How to run a business. Where to get enough money to be able to set up the store the way I want to. I have a mood board that I’m not going to be able to fully execute with my current savings. I hate the idea of having to sacrifice my taste because of a lack of funds. I hate this constant lack of funds. It’s ruining my aesthetic.”

“Well, we can’t have that.”

“Unfortunately, I’m having it, though.”

Patrick was quiet, so David glanced up.

He watched David with a curious, expression. Excited, but wary.

“What?” David asked.

“I think I might be able to help you.”

“What do you mean?”

“There are certain grants you can get. Grants for businesses that support local communities and arts. Your business would do both. I think you’d have a real chance in getting awarded more money.”

David perked up. “Really?” Then he thought about it and deflated. “I have no idea how to even begin to start that whole process. The idea of having to deal with Ray again almost makes me willing to accept inferior supplies.”

“You wouldn’t have to deal with Ray, David.”

David watched him and raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sure how _that’s_ possible. He’s the only business consultant in town.”

“Not currently.”

David squinted. “What do you mean?”

“You’re looking at one.”

“What?”

“A business consultant. You’re looking at one.”

“Patrick, you work at the DMV.”

“Right now, yes. That’s not what I was doing before. In my old life. Before I ran.” He paused and grinned at David. “Before I ran, I helped small businesses with exactly that kind of thing. Grants, start up funds, taxes, accounting. You name it, I did it.”

“Are you serious?”

“Extremely serious. David, if you let me, I can help you.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Because, David, if I get these grants for you, you could afford to hire me.”

David stilled and stared. “ _Hire_ you?”

Patrick nodded, grinning. “Do you even _like_ doing taxes, David?”

“I-I’ve never actually done them?”

Patrick laughed. “You definitely need to hire me.”

“O-Okay? I’d be open to entertaining your proposition. Provided you get the grants. Because, you know, if you can’t get them—”

“Oh, I’m gonna get the money, David.”

The tone of Patrick’s voice shot fire down to David’s toes. He blinked again, stepping forward and gently taking the broom out of Patrick’s hand.

“Patrick?”

“Yes, David?”

“I’m gonna need to see you in the back again.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end!
> 
> I wanted to wrap this up before tomorrow because it seemed wise.
> 
> If you're in the US and you haven't voted yet... GO VOTE. There's nothing more important right now.
> 
> Stay safe tomorrow, friends.

**_Epilogue_ **

**_6 Months Later_ **

David bent over the couch—his arms outstretched, hands digging into the crevice between the cushion and the arm, his cheek pressed hard against the cushion.

“David, what the heck are you doing?”

David yelped and quickly stood, his face going hot.

“N-Nothing.”

Patrick eyed him, a small smirk on his face. “Not that I’m complaining, I _really_ liked the view, but… what did the poor couch do to you?”

“I—uh—was looking for something.”

“What it is? I’ll help you look.”

“No—um—that’s okay. You can finish closing up. I won’t be long.”

“David, you’ve already been back here for over an hour. You conveniently got out of helping with the closing duties, I might add, so yeah… I’ve already finished closing. I’ll help you look, then we can head out. Are you hungry? Or would you rather go home? Want to come to my place tonight?”

“Is Ray there?”

Patrick grimaced. “Yeah, bowling is tomorrow night.”

“Hmm. I might take a raincheck, then. I’m still sufficiently traumatized from the rimming incident and don’t need a repeat.”

“David, I think Ray might be just as traumatized.”

“Are you kidding? He offered us hot chocolate once we were done. Hot chocolate, Patrick! Then he just stood there… grinning like a homicidal clown! That’s not traumatized! _I’m_ traumatized!”

Patrick winced again. “Okay, the hot chocolate was an unnecessary touch, I’ll admit.”

“Oh, you think?”

Patrick laughed. “Yeah, so tomorrow it is. While he’s handling bowling balls, we’ll spend some time with other kinds of balls.”

David groaned in horror. “Please, no. Absolutely incorrect! You’re spending too much time with Roland.”

“Hey, the accounting gig has helped our vacation fund, you know that. And because of it, in a few days we can get out of here for a long weekend. Just you, me, and an empty hotel room with a lock on the door.”

David sighed and shimmied. “Okay, that might be worth a few uncouth jokes. Just don’t make a habit of it.”

“Noted. So, what are we looking for?”

“Um, nothing. Don’t worry about it. Let’s go get dinner.”

“David, you’ve been back here for an hour, apparently looking for something, so I think maybe dinner can wait a couple more minutes while we search. So, what are we searching for?”

David shimmied over to Patrick and wrapped his arms around his neck. “But, I’m hungry, honey,” he purred.

“You’re always hungry,” Patrick answered, grinning. “Spit it out, David. Why won’t you tell me what you’re looking for?”

David groaned and dropped his head onto Patrick’s shoulder. “You’re going to laugh at me.”

“I always laugh at you.”

David pulled back and glared. “Oh, I’m aware.”

“You love it,” Patrick said, shrugging.

David narrowed his eyes. “You’re also very sure of yourself.”

“You love that, too.”

David rolled his eyes and leaned forward, kissing Patrick lightly. “I love _you_ , anyway.”

Patrick’s eyes lost the teasing edge and went all soft, staring at him with the expression that always made David's knees turn to jelly.

David shook his head and waved his arms in the air. “Nope, no. Put that look away. That thing is dangerous. It’s the reason I’ll never be able to drink hot chocolate again.”

Patrick giggled and pulled David into a kiss.

David lost track of time and—well, pretty much everything except Patrick’s lips against his.

Then Patrick pulled back slightly, running his hands up and down David’s back. “What is it, baby?” he whispered.

“Huh?” David was having a really hard time putting thoughts together.

“What are you searching for?”

David blinked and slowly came back to reality. “Patrick Brewer,” he gasped, slapping lightly at his shoulders. “Did you just try to _seduce_ information out of me?”

Patrick laughed and ducked his head. “It almost worked.”

“Mmm, well. You’re able to seduce a lot of things out of me, so I don’t blame you for trying.”

Patrick kissed him again. “Sorry, baby. But, seriously… what did you lose?”

David paused, studying his face. “Why do you think I _lost_ something?”

“You tried to climb inside the couch, David. I didn't think you were searching for inventory.”

David sighed and stared up at the ceiling. “Okay, fine, but I don’t want to hear any more about this after tonight.”

“Oh, this is going to be good.”

“Stop smirking!” David growled, his voice rising. “It’s not attractive.”

“Oh, we both know it turns you on, David.”

“Okay, do you want to help me look, or do you want my dick in your ass?”

Patrick’s eyebrows rose. “Is this a serious question? Because I think you already know my answer to that.”

“It was rhetorical!”

“I’m not sure I’m a fan of rhetorical fucking.”

“Oh, shut up and help me look.”

Patrick laughed. “I’d love to, but I need to know what I’m looking for.”

David sighed and glanced down at the floor. “My license,” he muttered.

“Excuse me, what? Did you say your _license_?”

David sucked in a long breath and threw his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “Yes! I lost my license again, okay?! I thought maybe it fell in the couch the last time we… uh… connected.”

Patrick snorted. “Baby! That’s three licenses in less than a year. You're single-handedly funding the DMV."

“I know. You don’t have to remind me.” He leaned into Patrick and lightly bit his lower lip. “Maybe there will be an even cuter employee at the DMV this time.”

Patrick pinched David’s side and sniffed. “Maybe, but unlikely anyone would give you the kind of gold star service I did.”

“No, that’s probably true. I mean, it’s too cold outside for ice cream, anyway.”

Patrick snorted. “David? You know you need your license if we want to go to wine tasting this weekend, right?”

“I know! That’s why I’ve been searching for an hour.”

Patrick leaned forward and wrapped his arms around David’s waist, pulling them closer together. “David, I thought you learned your lesson last time you did this.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re supposed to ask questions, not just keep everything buried and forge out on your own.”

David pulled back and stared down at him.

 _That little shit_!

“Patrick Motherfucking Brewer! Do _you_ have my license?!”

Patrick threw his head back and laughed, reaching into his pocket to pull it out. “You were right. It fell out of your pocket the other night.”

“And you didn’t think to give it to me?”

“I was waiting for you to ask. Stevie and I have a bet going on how long it would take you.”

“Of course you do. Did you just win this bet?”

“I did, actually,” Patrick said, grinning. “So, thanks for that.”

“I can’t believe you.” He plucked the license from Patrick’s hand and shoved it in his pocket. “Thank god, though. I was going to be so mad if we couldn’t go on the winery tour.”

“I know. I wouldn’t have let you suffer for too much longer. Besides, you’re crazy if you think I’d have let Stevie win.”

David rolled his eyes, then leaned forward to kiss the top of Patrick’s head. “I’m hungry. You’re buying me dinner to make up for this injustice.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.”

David grabbed his bag and followed Patrick to the front of the store. As they walked toward the café, David reached down and threaded his fingers through Patrick’s.

“Honey?”

“Yes?”

“I’m really glad I keep losing my license.”

Patrick glanced over at him with _that look_. “Me too, baby. Me too.”


End file.
